For those who are often stumped when a comeback is needed, we developed the R-List. It’s ten ways of responding to people who put you on the spot. Each begins with an “R” which helps remember them. The list isn’t exhaustive. There are comeback types that don’t start with an “R,” but this is a good way to get warmed up or to begin improving right away. Let’s look at a two of them:
(1) Rephrase: say what was said in a different way that’s better for you. “I’m going to say that in a somewhat different way” is one possible comeback. There are also more subtle ways to rephrase. If someone remarks, for example, that what you just proposed is ridiculous, you might say, “It’s a bit unusual, I’ll grant you that.” Here, you’re taking what could be received as an insult and rephrasing so that there’s no need to do so.
The word “unusual” captures some of the meaning of “ridiculous,” but in a positive way. The word “odd” could be used as well. In both cases you aren’t totally rejecting what the other person said or getting defensive. Instead, you’re meeting them part way. From there you can add, “This isn’t the first unusual ideas we’ve ended up implementing to our advantage. So let me just say a few more things about it.”
(2) Revisit: use an earlier success or positive experience to cast a positive light on current tension or problems.
Let’s say someone is angered by something you said. Prior to that moment the two of you were getting along fine. You might say, “Two minutes ago we were having a great conversation. A few words later, we shouldn’t give up what we had going so well.”
As with all comebacks, the idea is to influence the choices the other person has in a way that benefits the relationship or goals at hand. Here, the person might reject your revisiting a more positive time to reduce the impact of the current negative one. But, most people take a chance to get back to a better place in conversation if it’s offered.
In fact, rejecting a generous offer would be a violation of the unstated but ever present reciprocity rule in communication. That rule we learn as children. If the person is nonetheless slow to accept your offer to move ahead in a positive way, you might want to say: “This is a blip in how we usually work together. As I said, let’s get off this track and back to where we’re making progress.”
These are options. You have to try them out to know if they work for you. With people itching for an argument, they might not. But it’s usually worth a try. These and other comebacks that attempt to redirect a conversation back to a better place can keep a bad moment from ruining and entire project, meeting or evening.
Comebacks at Work: Using Conversation to Master Confrontation here
