Yesterday a reporter asked a question I get often now: Is dependence on social technology hurting how people communicate at work and elsewhere? Are we less agile than before, less attentive to nonverbal cues because, frankly, we’re getting out of practice. So many messages, including ones where two people break off a relationship, are being sent by e-mail or text.
Communication happens all day and quickly, so we think it’s like riding a bicycle — anyone can do it. But most of us don’t have anywhere near the cycling skill of Lance Armstrong. Similarly, there’s a lot to learn everyday in communication even if you’re not aiming for the Lance level.
Each interaction — all day long — presents a somewhat unique combination of verbal and nonverbal components. So, we have to stay attentive. We need to experiment and develop a repertoire of responses we can call upon when taken aback. Attentiveness and experimentation have been stifled by our increasing reliance on e-mail, texts, and other forms of social networking. Our communication is becoming more and more one track and worse — knee jerk.
So what do you do during that job interview when the interviewer throws you a curve ball? I remember when someone interviewing me said, “You know, your problem is that you don’t speak Greek.” What do you say to that? I replied: “That’s true but I’ve read Aristotle’s Rhetoric and Poetics and I can go a few rounds about his writings if you like.” He looked surprised and I got the job offer. I didn’t take it. But it was nice to have.
Most of us have had experiences where in a job interview or on-the-job someone has thrown out a comment that was totally unexpected. In situations like this, you have to be able to read the person’s facial expression and/or body language to get to sense of the situation, to “pulse the person” and “suss the situation” as we wrote about it in Comebacks at Work. If you’ve been spending most of your time e-mailing and texting, you’re not going to be able to respond on your feet.
If you want to stay agile, take a period of time each day to listen more carefully than usual. Practice your own agility by considering what you might have said in response to a criticism, insult, joke, compliment, or some other challenging comment said to someone else. Take a look at the list of comebacks in the book if you have it. See if one or two of them would have worked for you.
Don’t get me wrong, in the right situations e-mail and texting are great. But when we are shooting ideas off to each other before they’re well-formed, problems are inevitable. When we stop observing how things are said, we’re working with about half the information we need. When we think nonverbal cues can be ignored and the true meaning of messages still be understood, our jobs and even relationships are put at risk. It’s worth some thought and a little experimenting.
Kathleen
TODAY’S DUST UP in sports is a case in point: Detroit Pistons forward Charlie Villanueva, who has alopecia areata, a skin condition that causes hair loss, posted on Twitter that Celtics Kevin Garnett called him a “cancer patient.” Villanueva and Garnett reportedly exchanged words when they were assessed double technical fouls on Tuesday. Likely few people, if any, know the whole story but Garnett released a response:
“My comment to (Villanueva) was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league.’ … I would never be insensitive to the brave struggle that cancer patients endure. I have lost loved ones to this deadly disease… and have a family member currently undergoing treatment. I would never say anything that distasteful.”
Here we have a case of Twitter and the media being used to extend an argument that started on the basketball court. Now that it’s so public, it will be a lot more difficult to resolve the differences and, in the process, cancer patients have been drawn into the fray. It’s a mess. It’s another example of how technology is used to deal with issues that are better handled face-to-face.
